The Attempted Legacy of Isabella Ryder
by OjosDeGato
Summary: Izzy's attempts at becoming the greatest prankster ever known to Hogwarts...and ends up falling for one of the victims. Hey, where do you think Gred and Forge got it from? In the 'everygirl' style. Rating's T, but I like perverted jokes. Be warned.
1. Chapter 1

AN: So here's the deal guys – this story sucks. I wrote it when I was a teen, and now I see the error of my ways. However, seeing as I suck, I should at least try and finish the bad fics I've started, but I will be rewriting them!

This story is totally based off Marie Goos's Seduction of Severus Snape. Obviously. I claim little originality in the plot, and hopefully if she reads this, she'll take it as a compliment. Go read hers. It's hysterical. She's brilliant.

Just pretend the writing is British-English, k? I don't have time to translate.

**PROLOGUE:**

_This is a love story, exactly as it happened. Through seven years, their love blossomed, lasting through trials, detentions, and weird monsters. This is the story of how Isabella Ryder and Severus Snape came together._

_Or, in other words, how I got into Snape's pants._

September 1

This begins my 7th log of Hogwarts, and my last. This year is special; I have a challenge before me that I have planned since I was 11 years old and first lay eyes upon the man I was destined to hump.

I am far and beyond the worst student that has ever walked the halls of Hogwarts. I mean this both academically and morally. I have little shame, and I'm very lazy. I'm in Gryffindor, which isn't even really a house I belong to.

To be honest, I don't belong anywhere. I'm not really loyal, I'm a complete pansy, I hate studying, and He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named scares the piss out of me. Actually, you see how I am a dreadful student, because if suddenly What's-His-Face did show up, I wouldn't represent ANY of the houses. I'd cry, pee my pants, push my friends in front of me as a shield and I wouldn't remember any spells to help because I haven't learned any.

That's not entirely true. I learn what I want to learn. I have extensive knowledge in the area of…say…the violin. I'm also fantastic at making chocolate cookies, finding morbid pictures to show around, and getting my rocks off.

Here is the deal – I have essentially spent all my time making mischief at Hogwarts from day 1. My older brother inspired me, and I was determined to surpass him. By my third year, I had gotten good enough that I gained a following of first years. Fred, George and Lee were absolutely wonderful and idolized me. They were much better at learning Charms than I was, so they helped immensely. To this day, Percy Weasley refuses to acknowledge me, because he thinks I'm the reason his brothers are nuts. Heck, I'd go nuts living with that prat too.

Anyways, now, this seventh year, I must have something good. Really good. Something phenomenal that will be remembered for all time. I want my name in Hogwarts: A History. I want stories to turn into legends passed by student to student. This is all I've been aiming for, and Merlin knows I won't be doing much with my life, so this is the last year to give it my all!

"Snape." Fred says to me on the train.

"What about him?" I asked.

"Snape." George echoes. They each have that dreadful grin on their face, meaning that something brilliant is about to be said.

"So…what?"

"You should plague him. Just…plague the mess out of him. Bothering Snape!" Fred did a jig on his bench. "All year!"

I rolled my eyes. "I do that anyway! He can't stand me. I always break something, or blow up a cauldron in his class, so I don't even have to make an effort."

"Right, so you'll fail. We know this. So make some fun as you go down." George stuck a frog in my mouth to silence my moans.

"You should stalk him." Lee piped up then. "Make him think you love him. If you can get him to think that, you'll win all the money we have. That's a better idea than pranks. You can keep pranking. We'll give you lists of those to do, to keep your mind occupied on getting into Snape's knickers."

"That was the original plan, but it was so revolting, we told Lee to forget it." Fred kicked his friend hard in the shin. "Nasty."

"But she likes Snape!"

I do like Snape. I think he's sexy. I think a lot of a man with no feelings, a brilliant mind, and wearing black. And if it wasn't for the nose, he wouldn't be bad looking. It's his aura that draws me, that 'I'm impossible to get' aura. And since I am a fantastic player, it's just asking me to challenge him.

"You can't get expelled, because it's your last year, and no one cares."

"And you're known for this."

"And he already hates you."

"And we won't ask any dirty details."

"And it will just look like you're mad. That's alright. Everyone will think it's a big joke, but Snape will go nuts trying to decide if it is or not, because you won't break character!"

"Alright." I was ready to go with it before they finished. "But, because my already dreadful public rep is going to be destroyed, what do I get out of it?"

"You get to shag him." George cried.

"You can have fifty galleons." Fred cut in.

"Fifty!" I roared. "That's all?! For trying to boink my teacher! Gor!"

"Fifty three galleons, two sickles. That's all we've got between us."

"Well, not everything."

"Well, no, but we're not giving it all to you. This is just what we were willing to part with for this. We've got more for our store someday."

"We've been saving that since we were six." George grinned.

I knew as well as anyone that a lot of that money had come from my wallet, others' wallets and a whole lot of snooping. Very well. It was still more money than I had.

So…yes. Here it begins. I, the funny-maker of Hogwarts, the seducer of the boys, am going to try and use all I've learned on my teacher for a fantasy.

**September 4 **

Seventeen is the best age, seriously. I can drive (and my dad bought a Corvette too, a blue one) and I'm still young enough to be a complete immature freak! Wee!

Praise Merlin, I will no longer have to write these things. I really don't like them being labored over and then so carelessly tossed to my friends for laughter and memories. While I do enjoy my 'work' here, I really wish it was over. I'm sick of school.

Man, I really wish I was GONE! Like Charlie Weasley. That bloke wrote me a letter and made fun of me for still having one year to go. He gloated quite considerably, knowing well my hatred for this place. I sent him my owl's droppings, and I hope he still has them...you know he gets to work with the dragons now? I can't believe it. What sort of stupid arse would let him near dragons?

Right...anyways, as is my tradition, I describe myself to see how I've changed since last year. My name is Isabella Callisto Guinevere Ryder. It was my father's idea. I was the Catholic accident of the family, born when my parents were well into their forties. I have a charismatic personality, which causes mostly everyone to like me, even though I'm a constant embarrassment. It gets me things too. I'm very spoiled, but I spoiled myself but perfecting how to get what I want (another reason this challenge is such a challenge). I'm popular enough with the boys, but since my turn-ons lie with older men, I generally use and abuse said boys, and then off I go to the next one. It's a game for me.

Dad's just gotten out on parole for a murder he committed ten years ago. Apparently, even if Lucius Malfoy was a Death Eater and even if he was trying to kill a Muggle in the woods, it's not enough to convince the courts that my father isn't an insane killer. Malfoy essentially turned it around to make it look like my father did it, to save himself when he saw he'd been caught. It worked. Bastard. I hate his kid.

Mum's literally mad. She spends her days in her padded room, cursing the Beatles for ruining music and talking to her doilies. I leave her alone.

I've been raised by my much older brother, of course. He's thirty-six. He's a tad mad; I think he gets it from Mum. Sometimes I really don't know what he's talking about. His names is Julius Jupiter Adolphus (my dad again. He likes names).

Right...so I write a journal every year, to take notes of things I've done. My friends usually read them, I omit anything too personal, and we laugh and make merry as we remember. Someday, there will be a book. This year seems more tolerable now, because I'm pretty sure I can work Snape.

This isn't a new idea, actually. Two years ago, Fred, George and I actually began to torture Snape. We planned it for quite some time. I had figured this would be the ultimate plan for my 7th year, but I didn't get my hopes up. According to this note I got from them, they certainly have been planning this.

I wonder though, if I had said no to sexing Snape? Then what? Wouldd they have revised the list, or just given up? Hm.

I have declared my undying lust for him, and everyone knows it. Frankly, I would jump at the chance to shag him. I have this thing with older men. This may be due to the presence of my perverted older brother, but there's no way to tell.

I am very attracted to Snape.

I don't think he knows this. He just hates me.

I believe that such a quest deserves to be recorded in detail, which explains this very unusually large and fat journal.

We established my team. Lorena Davies, fellow 7th year, will be in charge of covering for me in case I miss something whilst performing a plot. Lee has agreed to be the distraction when one is needed. The twins…well…I'm letting them do their own thing. They won't let me down.

It's a challenge, this one. Boys are easy, but men are not. I like men. Snape has a dislike for me because of the pranks of my past, but also because he went to school with Jules, and Jules tortured him. The murderer Sirius Black was an enemy Snape, and apparently he and Jules would plot ways to embarrass him, and they did a great job! So, I have Snape's wrath for something I didn't do.

Go figure. Stupid brother of mine, ruining it for me...sheesh...not that I actually have a chance at Snape, not if Jules gets in the way. He's a bit of a fairy himself, so I don't think he'll be very happy when he hears about how I am so bluntly throwing myself at the man.

Jules and I are incredibly alike, in terms of pranks and such. Not to mention our attraction to different men...we always seem to have one for the same fellow...sad, isn't it?

Tomorrow, I am to carry out the first of my many strange and bizarre behaviors towards our beloved Potions professor, Snape.

I can't wait.

AN: And there it is, the new chapter one...if you didn't notice, I removed all the other chapters. I hate them, and so they are to be rewritten. I'll get them up as fast as I can. Cheers!


	2. Chapter 2

**September 6**

O MY GOD!

My DADA professor is gorgeous.

He's shabby, yes, and always looks tired, but oh my goodness, I want him. Screw Snape, I'm going for Lupin!

**September 15**

I haven't even done anything to Snape yet except mess up a potion, and I'm already on a quest of revenge regarding Trelawney.

She has finally gotten the courage to vocalize her dislike for me, and has predicted that I am the one who will make Harry Potter fail. Also, she claims I'm the wrong birth sign. Idiot. She won't let me sleep in class anymore either. I have to actually work at paying attention.

It was Lorena's idea for Sherbet Fizz to be used. I think Sherbet was originally 'Sherbert', but they changed it. Who knows? Weird name.

I heard Harry Potter and Ron Weasley talking all excited about the things the twins had gotten from Hogsmeade, and Ron was handing some of it over to Harry. I guess Harry can't go to Hogsmeade because of all the Sirius Black trouble. Poor boy. I like him. He's a good kid.

Once I heard that Harry had some Sherbet Fizz, I ran up to him and offered to trade Morgana and Tituba, two of the rarest cards, for all of his Sherbet Fizz (two packs).

Not a bad deal at all.

Harry slowly handed it over, looking quite confused as to why someone would trade such valuable cards for some candy, and I do believe he wanted to hug me for it. I decided to tell him what I was using the candy for, and he laughed a terrible teen squeak.

Harry laughed, his voice squeaking quite horribly, and swore to secrecy. He asked if he could help, and I told him that I'd get back to him. It's probably not a good idea to get

Snape or Trelawney to torture him more than they already do.

I like that boy. I told him so, and he blushed a little. He's so incredibly cute. Too bad he's so incredibly young, or I'd probably end up molesting him. It's a good thing the fame hasn't gone to his head.

So anyways, Trelawney.

Fred and I could only come up with a couple good ways to irritate Trelawney. I've never had to before; I just slept through the class, or didn't show up at all.

I didn't do my homework for one. I never do anyways; I copy from Percy, but I didn't bother today.

"Miss Ryder?" Trelawney made her big goggle eyes bigger. "Where's your essay?"

"I ate it." I replied, calmly. "It's in the pooper now."

"My goodness!" She held her hand to her eyes, hummed, and then sighed a really loooooong sigh. "I see that you did not eat your homework. What really happened?"

"You tell me. Didn't you see it coming?"

"Of course I did!" Trelawney snaps, really loudly. The class is full of mirth, and I'm very pleased with myself. "Ten points! It's…it's just I was…uh…hoping you would be honest with me! How can my students enjoy such horrible tricks? No faith!" She went on a rant on those who doubt.

Damned fraud. Someone really needs to choke that woman to death.

I went with my next idea, and fell asleep on Lorena's shoulder.

~poke~

"Miss Ryder?"

The students are starting to giggle.

"Miss Ryder? Hello! Wake up!"

~pokepokepoke~

I waited about two seconds, and then screamed.

"NO!!! VAGINA!"

To her credit, she kept a straight face too. "I'll thank you not to do that again. You'll miss out on the aura..." and that was it. She went off on one of her tangents like she always did.

I had Lorena next to me. When Trelawney's back was turned, I poured more than half the Fizz package into my mouth, and shoved the remainder to Lorena. She shoved it into her bag, very quickly.

I fell asleep again, sort of. I'm a very good fake sleeper. It only took two minutes before I heard Chantelle Roberts whine. "Ryder fell asleep again, Professor."

"Miss Ryder!" Harsh now.

'Bitch', I thought gleefully, and right on cue, I jumped onto the table screaming at the top of my lungs. I pushed the foaming sherbet out through my nose, which was uncomfortable, but gave an amazing sight. Pink froth coming out of someone's nose is always a tad exciting.

"PROFESSOR! I SAW IT! IT WAS AWFUL! THE AURA WAS ALL AROUND ME, IT WAS PINK! AND GREEN! AND...and...OOOOO!" I howled and collapsed onto the floor. "YOU DIED!" I screamed. "IN PICKLES!"

Chantelle screamed, as did several other people in the class. Lorena jumped into Percival Weasley's arms, howling as though terrified. He looked absolutely mortified by my African friend humping him around the waist…either that, or it was the pink froth streaming out my nose and mouth to the floor.

Trelawney looked incredibly ruffled, and red.

"What!" She gasped, trying to calm the heart attack I'm sure she had.

"HOGS EATING HOGS!" I screamed, standing up and waving my arms. "PICKLES!"

"Umm...okay...I'm not feeling any auras about this...you're disturbing the spirits..."

Trelawney looked as though she was going to pass out. "Ermm...you, what's your name, take Miss Ryder to the nurse's wing, will you? Yes..."

Lorena grabbed my arm and steered me out, hiding her giggles. As soon as we were out of sight of Trelawney's office, the two of us burst into hysterical laughter and I had to run to the toilets to vomit and cough the Fizz out of my nostrils. It burned quite badly by that point. It's actually still a bit tender..

We spent the rest of the period eating from the cellar of Honeydukes. Our little twins had shown us this wonderful secret.

My cute little apprentices. I love my twins.

**September 20**

I decided to finally bother Snape.

Today was a great way to start, but the thing is, it was an accident. I promise.

"Err...Professor?" I said cautiously, stepping up to his desk.

He jerked his head up and glared at me. "What in the name of Merlin do you want, Ryder?"

"The homework assignment states that the potion used to close a boil includes a cup of spine root and an ounce of rose leaves. I read in the textbook that it actually includes a single blossom of the rose, and an ounce of the spine root. So which one's right?"

Snape raised an eyebrow, and motioned for the textbook. I handed it to him and the homework as well.

"You're quite correct." He muttered. "Stupid elves. I told them to copy it straight out of the text...very well. Ten points to Gryffindor and the textbook is correct. We'll see if anyone actually reads their homework properly tonight."

I smirked. "No one does homework in my year." It didn't get any reaction. I was thinking maybe a smirk at least, but nothing.

I fixed my eyes into the fireplace, pretending to be hypnotized. I don't know why, I was just hoping for something meaningful from Snape's lips to me…like his on mine.

"Miss Ryder. Leave my office."

I kept staring.

"NOW!" He barked, jumping up, and I shook, slightly. When he had stood up though, a piece of his robe had gone into the fireplace, and ignited quite beautifully. He would look so pretty on fire….

It was brilliant timing though. I yelled out "Professor! Your robes are on fire!"

He spun around, eyes wide in surprise. When he saw the entire back of him in flames, he shouted and began stamping on the robe.

"Stop, drop and roll Prof.!" I screamed, and I grabbed my wand to throw water at him. I thought he'd be grateful, but of course, I was in trouble. Maybe he doesn't like his hair EVER washed.

"RYDER!" A very drenched and angry professor grabbed the front of my robes and pulled me very close to his face. "DO NOT SPEAK OF THIS TO ANYONE! GET OUT!"

I ran.

He looks sexy when he's wet. Wonder what he looks like in the shower. Probably hot, and wet and naked, no doubt with a tiny peep, just to disappoint me.

Nah. I'll give him the benefit of imagining a massive beast until I actually see it.

Good Elephants, I'm a stupid loon.

**September 24**

I was sleepwalking to Snape's dungeons. Way too late at night for a detention, in my opinion.

I was walking, just having a good old time walking, like any normal person should be able to, and then I tripped over a bowling ball that Peeves had rolled at me. I went crashing to the stone floor, and was nearly knocked out. My arse was utterly bruised by the impact, and I couldn't really think straight.

Peeves, of course, shrieked with laughter, and soared away singing about falling fools.

If I become a ghost, I will haunt him for the rest of his days. And give him plenty of wedgies too.

He has it easy.

I lay there for awhile, quite dazed and hurting. I'd smashed my ta-ta against a jutting stone, and was in a great deal of pain.

"Maybe Lupin would kiss it all better, if I went to him right now..." I actually said this, and I don't know why…subconscious longings, I suppose, for that mysteriously sexy teacher of mine….

"Miss Ryder!" Snape yelled at me from the door, showing no sympathy whatsoever.

I jumped about a foot (I flopped really, I was still on the ground) and winced. So much for crying to Lupin and getting kisses on my tater tots…mmmph...my life sucks. Oh, and on top of it all, I was still dizzy from the blow, so when I stumbled into Snape's office, I tripped on air and fell flat on my arse.

Go figure.

Snape looked at me. "Five points for your clumsiness. Ten points for being fifteen minutes late. And twenty points for wasting my time."

"Great to see you too Professor." I said, dryly. Maybe _he_ would kiss a tater for me...

He pointed to the cauldron in front of my desk, his eyes afire already. Crikey. "Make this. Get it right, or I'll give you a T."

So much for hooter snogging. Not that I expected anything else...besides, I ought to remain loyal. Lupin is so much nicer than Snape; it just makes sense that he be my target. Well…okay, Snape can be my booty call!

I sighed, and began to make the stupid potion. It wasn't even difficult. Blah, blah...then it occurred to me that this is my last year. That means I should be a little less cautious. After all...it's my last chance to make a bang.

I decided to start a conversation.

"So Professor, are you feeling the emotion over my soon to-be departure?" I was grinding fish spines, which requires nonexistent muscles, and was quite red-faced. Very attractive, I'm sure.

"I had intended to be rid of you in peace, Miss Ryder. You're not making it very easy for me." Snape said through gritted teeth. "In fact, you're driving me mad."

"You do realize that it's taken you..." I counted on my fingers. "Five years to admit that?"

"Yes. Perhaps you'll leave me alone, if I admitted to being affected by your behavior?"

"Hell no." I laughed.

"Twenty points for inappropriate language." Snape hissed, glaring. "Get to work on the damn potion, Ryder!"

"Twenty points for inappropriate language. Watch your mouth, damnit." I had a very bright smile on my face.

"Detention." He snarled at me.

I sighed. "Alright, sir."

I finished my potion in peace. I consider our discussion productive.

**September 26**

I'm sitting for lunch, minding my own business, when up came the twins, Lee, Ron, Harry and Hermione. Neville was sitting next to me, and I was attempting to make him talk, poor little shy guy he is. He squeaked when the crowd came over, but I wouldn't let him run away.

Lee comes sliding up to me. "Howdy Izzy."

"Hiya Lee." I said, uneasily. What were they up to?

"Yeah, hi Izzy." Twins sat across from me, and the Trio seated themselves next to Neville.

"So I heard you think Lupin's sort of hot." Fred said, smiling quite mischievously, ignoring the fact that he was speaking in front of innocent third years. Not that I care or anything.

"Yes…so?" I decided to be all nonchalant and what-not. Then maybe they'd leave me alone. What did Lupin have to do with my task anyway?

"Ew." Neville said, wrinkling his nose. Right. He'll talk as soon as Potter shows up. Go figure. "Lupin's so old. You're all young."

Poor innocent little Neville. Words from a child are so truthful…

"Nah...he's only forty-ish. So's Snape for that matter, but I never hear you sniggering about him." I leaned over and ruffled Neville's hair.

"That's because you're being funny with Snape. It's all a joke, you know?" Harry said, looking a bit peaky. I doubted he had known what the purpose of this visit was for.

"Yeah right." Fred laughed. "She's all over that nasty man. All we hear at night are her moan about how hot Snape is and what-not."

"Ew...that is disgusting!" Ron shrieked, voice squeaking. "He's a greasy old git!"

"Hey, it's not something I can control, or I would. It's not like I've got a shrine to him in my closet. It's purely sexual." I giggled.

"Not that he's ever thought of sex in his life." George grumbled. "I'll bet he's still a virgin."

Hermione winced. "That's horribly inappropriate."

"Oh shut up." I snapped a little. "That's the whole point of this, Hermione. It's completely and utterly wrong. That's my nature. It's wrong."

"Yeah, even if you could control it, you wouldn't change a thing." Fred sneered. "Nasty thing, you..."

"Nasty ickle sex kitty." George laughed, and was hit by both his twin and Harry.

I giggled. Poor little Fred, who couldn't get a date...actually he could, but I never let the truth stop me.

"Anyways..." Fred glared at George. "Our whole point of conversation was exactly that, sex kitties."

"Ah, right!" George grinned brightly. "We think Lupin needs a hot date. We also think you need a hookup too. So..." He trailed off, waiting for Fred to fill in the blanks.

However, the twin was laughing way too hard to speak. So were Lee and Ron.

Dead silence.

It finally hit me.

"Oh no! No! No!" I yelled, throwing my napkin at Fred. "Don't even think it!"

"Yes!" Lee shouted, laughing. "You've got to seduce the ol' dog!"

"WHAT!" Harry and Hermione shrieked. Hermione looked ready to faint, and sputtered about the inappropriate nature of it.

Ron just popped her on the head real playful like. He'd fortunately been able to see the humor in it, at least.

I started laughing then, mostly out of anxiety. Unbelievable...seducing Lupin? Seriously?

He's quite good looking. But still. I've never actually thought about seriously seducing a teacher. I mean, did snag a snog from Lockhart last year, but that was purely due to mutual lust for his marvelous looks, whereas Lupin's actually quite a nice guy. Then again…it's the nice guys you have to watch out for.

Maybe this would be…very…largely…eventful.

"Well..." I started, "I don't know.…"

"Fifty more galleons." Fred said.

"And you can have free products from our shop, whenever we get one." George said, quickly.

How could I say no?

So now I make Snape love me and seduce Lupin (or try to). I'm a whore! How much better can it get?

**September 29**

Excellent. Snape has been put on hold, since we've popped the cherry on his torture. Lupin must also be started on before we can do anything else.

That's what George decided, anyway.

My first class was Arithmancy (damn Mondays). I had Potions that day as well.

I actually wasn't intending on picking on him, not being fully recovered from my earlier pranks. (I was still suffering over the detentions I got from Trelawney and Snape, both with Filch, lasting three days each…. I am very tired.)

So nothing interesting for Potions today. Sorry mates. I'm just too damn tired.

Besides, I had to write a hot letter to Lupin. This was, believe it or not, Hermione's idea. When the boys could think of nothing, she casually mentioned (over the top of a book) that anonymous love letters are great for dropping hints.

I kissed her, and proceeded to write one with Lorena helping out.

_Beloved Remus, _

_I have come to a realization that cannot be hidden anymore. Seeing you has awakened a terrible secret within my heart and loins, one I could not hide. For years I have stared at you, longing for your touch, for one kiss of your lips, for some sign of recognition. I have yet to see any acknowledgement from you, which pains me deeply. Yet I will not lose hope, for I have learned in these times of suffering that I love you._

_I dream of your voice caressing my name, taking me with a passion beyond paradise. My dreams are never without you there, calling me and making me yours. I wake to an empty bed everytime, and I weep for the loss of what I've never had._

_(AN: Explicit sex scenario deleted, for liability issues)_

_I know there is no possibility of taking your heart, or experiencing your body in this way. But I cannot hide the truth of my heart, for it belongs only to you. _

_I loathe myself for not having your Gryffindor courage. I simply cannot reveal myself to you, as I am too afraid of the results. But perhaps one day, I will find the courage within my love to become truthful with you, my dearest Remus._

_Until then, I remain:_

_Forever Yours_

How utterly sentimental. I had to disguise my handwriting (which I'm actually good at) and put a Charm on that writing too, just in case my fake wasn't enough.

I nearly threw up when Lorena wrote the little love scene. I had no idea you could do half that stuff. I'm going to need to try it.

I showed it to Lorena, and she adored it. I made her a copy, which she tucked into her own journal, and I made her swear not to show anyone.

"Not even the twins?" She pouted.

"I'll show them myself. You may not." I scowled and smacked her head. "Promise me!"

"Ouchie! Okay!" She dodged my flying palms and whimpered. "I promise I will show this letter to no one except myself."

I didn't bother to show it to the twins. Lee begged for a glance, read up to the part of passionate makeouts, and then he went to go puke.

I sent the letter with Angelina's owl, which is plain, brown, and no one will recognize it.

**September 22**

Lupin received the letter during supper.

We all watched, pretending to be very interested in how the professors chew.

He looked hesitant at first, probably from the putrid rose scent surrounding it, and the countless lipstick marks, but finally opened it.

Poor baby. Evidently has never gotten a love letter before. I feel bad for him.

His eyes popped when he read it. He blushes really red for a guy. It's quite attractive though. I did my best not to drool on my toast while staring at him.

Fred and George were sniggering, making notes of Lupin's reaction. I barely noticed Angelina smacking them both on the head. I was too busy fantasizing about my professor.

Dumbledore read a bit over Lupin's arms, and then muttered something into his ear.

Lupin grinned a little, and then hid the letter under his plate.

Yes! He smiled! Yes! Yes! Yes!

However, the letter seems to have worn off since. He was normal at dinner. Bummer.

AN: Yay! Chapter 2 be dones!


	3. Chapter 3

**September 30**

I've gotten into a great deal of trouble, but I'm really enjoying it.

Potions class. Snape sits there, and we're doing the regular routine, you know, read, rite, rithmetic…blah.

However, I wasn't sure about a homework question from a few days ago. I decided to brave it and ask him about it. This was actually an honest question on my part, as I do need to pass, even it is just barely.

I tripped on my shoelace, I suppose or the air. Whatever it was, I went stumbling right on top of the pacing Potions professor. He went smashing to the ground, and I went with him. How lovely. He has quite a firm chest you know, for an old man anyway.

"Nice pecs, Professor." I said, groping a bit. "Didn't hurt your hemorrhoids, did I?"

I'm a loon. Snape having hemorrhoids is just disgusting. Ew, ew...ew.

He thought so too, because he looked ready to strangle me. How sexy...he likes S&M! I'll let him choke me anytime.

He shoved me off instead and glared at me. "Detention, Ryder." He said it very low and dangerous-like. Oh, such promises of torture in that voice!

"Ouchie." I squeaked. He let go of me, and pointed to my seat. Then he smirked. "And you can spend it with Professor Lupin, grading papers for four hours."

I moaned then, pretending to hate my punishment, and he hollered at me. "Stop sniveling! Twenty points! Sit down!"

I sat then, pouting quite a bit. Inside I was throwing a party. I got a detention with Lupin!

How perfect can it be!

Turns out that I have to finish the last two detentions with Filch. (Trelawney gave me those when I made out with her crystal ball, swearing I saw my future lover in there. That was Fred's idea)

So Lupin isn't for two days. Pooey.

**October 1**

Fred, George, Angelina, Katie, Ginny and myself were sitting under the large oak tree outside, doing homework. I was helping Ginny with her Charms essay. The twins' and I were busily discussing something for me to do during my detention.

Little Ginny had been informed of this plot by her brothers, who swore that she had a good sense of humor, and to my surprise, she did.

She found the whole thing interesting, rather than disgusting, good little girl that she was. Fred said she was great for prank help, and he was quite right.

"Something natural..." Fred grumbled. "An accident-on-purpose of sorts. Can't blame you for it."

"I completely agree. But what, precisely, is natural?" I asked.

"Grope him?" George frowned. Fred and Ginny both smacked him on the head, and I tolled my eyes.

"Real natural, Georgie." Ginny grumbled. "Hey! Careful, Oliver's coming!"

We pretended to be absorbed in our homework, before Oliver Wood approached me, shyly. "Umm...Izzy?"

"Mmmm?" I said. I tutored him in Charms last year. (My best subject.) He's still shy around me.

"I was wondering if you could tell me that charm for removing ink from my homework, cause I sort of spilled it all over, and I've got to finish my boggart essay." Oliver looked so incredibly pathetic, I giggled.

"Answer a question of mine first." I said. "If you fancied someone, how would you make a natural sort of approach on her?"

"Oh...umm...I compliment girls all the time, but not because I fancy them. Just to make them feel nice." Oliver blushed a little. "That sort of works."

"Aww..." Fred said, rolling his eyes. "How sweet."

"That's cute Oliver!" Katie smiled. "Here..." She showed him the charm and he went off quite happily. They ought to date. I don't know why they don't.

"Well then..." Angelina said. "He's right. Compliment the hell out of the man."

"Like what? 'Hey Lupin, I love your arse.' That's not exactly natural..." I scowled. "Help!"

"Well, something like…Hey Lupin, you have a nice smile…even though I've never actually seen the guy smile, but you get the idea. Compliments usually don't exist anyways…" Fred smirked.

"Or 'That's a lovely bulge in your trousers, Remus.'" George grinned.

"Don't think about it." I snapped. "Raping Lupin was not part of the deal."

"Ew..." Angelina shuddered. "Absolutely disgusting."

"Won't Lupin be able to figure out it was you who wrote the letter from all those weird things you do to him?" Ginny had voiced a very worthy thought.

"Sure." said Fred. "But it could be worse, and Lupin will probably not take her seriously. I'm sure Snape's bitched about her countless times at meetings or something. It's not like people don't know Izzy and her jokes."

So, with this new thought in mind, I strolled happily to Lupin's door at eight.

"Come in." Such a soft voice. Low too. Very sexy indeed.

I walked in, and he smiled at me. He motioned to a chair in front of his desk, and I sat in it.

"I'm afraid I'm not a very cruel detention giver." He said, a bit hoarse. "So you can help me grade papers. You know what to look for, right?" He handed me a copy of the teacher's answer sheet.

I nodded. He sighed. "Good. Any questions?"

"Yes sir."

"What is it?"

"How do you keep your robes so long and crisp?" I made my eyes wide and innocent.

He stared at me, trying to figure out if I was serious or not. He then just raised an eyebrow. "You really are bonkers." He muttered.

"I suppose Snape informed you of my tendency to strange comments." I smiled at him.

"Yes. Work." He pointed at the papers, though good-naturedly.

I didn't move. I kept staring at him.

He waited for a few seconds. Then raised an eyebrow. "Miss Ryder? Miss Ryder...Isabella Ryder!" He said, a little sharply.

I jumped. "Sorry sir, I was just distracted by the fire in those blue orbs of yours."

He froze, staring at me in absolute shock. Then he frowned a little. "Ten points." He sighed. "And work on the sarcasm."

"I wasn't being sarcastic sir." I said, softly, trying to look starry eyed.

"Grade." He pointed at the papers, and I started scribbling.

After years of grading papers for detentions, I'd practically memorized the second year quizzes on hinky-punks' diets. This meant I could multi-task, and take time to stare at Lupin.

He has really lovely eyes. Not really blue, but you can't call them gray either. They're very intriguing, and sexy too. Nice lashes as well. Lovely sandy hair, very perfect for grabbing during…um…events. He's even got some curls around his ears...aww...

When he stood up to get himself some tea, I amused myself by staring at his bum. Not bad either, for an older man. Hard to tell through robes, but that meant I could be creative.

"Miss Ryder?" He glanced at me curiously. "Tea?"

"Oh, right." I said, sounding a little breathless. "Yes please, sir."

I kept sneaking glances at him, having fun with it. After about an hour, he finally noticed.

"Miss Ryder." His voice was a bit more strong. "Why are you staring at me?"

I was making Lupin uncomfortable. Oh well. It was flattery, after all, he needs to learn to deal with it. Especially if he's going to make it throughout a year.

"I'm sorry sir, but I was drawn to the magnetic aura that surrounds your lean and muscular body." Okay, maybe that a bit too far...crap. Crap, crap, crap. I really need to learn self-control, don't I?

"Ten points." Lupin frowned at me. "Scribble."

Another hour and I'd done all the papers. Not difficult at all. "Sir...I'm finished." I presented my pile of papers.

"Oh, right." He said, sounding a little out of it. He looked exhausted. "You can go."

"I've got another two hours, according to Snape." I said, trying not to sound too excited.

"I'm tired. And I'm sure you are as well. We can keep this our secret." He winked at me.

"Do it again."

Lupin jumped a little. "Excuse me?"

"Wink at me again." I said, smiling. "It was incredibly sexy."

"Maybe you should see Madame Pomfrey." He said softly, though he was a bit red around the ears. "You're not speaking very...logically."

"What's logical about love?" I blinked my eyes at him, and smiled.

He turned even redder. "Five points for cheekiness. Now go to bed. I'm sure you need rest."

"Okay. Good night Professor!" I nearly danced out of there, leaving him red and wide-eyed.

I could've gone on for hours, but I can't scare him off now, can I?

Ah sleep...sleep...I'm going to sleep now...


	4. Chapter 4

**October 5**

I got a blasted detention with blasted Snape. BAH! I have also successfully lost over 100 points today for doing absolutely nothing out of the ordinary. It's dreadful. I think my house is going to slaughter me.

I sat quietly, as I was very tired, and I really ddidn't wish to make a stupid mistake. I drew no attention to myself, and it seemed to work because Snape hardly paid me any mind. Of course, my behavior couldn't last, because towards the end of the class, Snape began quizzing us on potion ingredients. I really hoped he'd avoid calling on me, because I felt the twitch of mischief in my brain, but of course he did.

"Ryder! How many leaves of oak do I place into a truth potion?"

He had me and he knew it. I had absolutely no idea. So…the tickling increased, and I said, "Well Tweety, I have no idea."

Giggles erupted, harmonizing with gasps of the more conservative students. Snape turned positively pink.

"What did you call me?"

I ignored him for a few seconds, and then shot my head back up. "What was that, Nemo? Did you say something?"

"Twenty points." He glared at me, willing me into the grave with his eyes (which he really ought to work on – I find his death stares stimulating)."You will address me as 'Sir' or 'Professor' at all times, do you understand me?"

"Sir, of course I do, Professor Cork sir. I'd never call you anything except Professor Finky, sir."

I had made a terrible mistake, for Snape didn't explode as I wished him to. He just sighed as though he had such a hard life.

"Detention at nine. Twenty points from Gryffindor. Shut up."

Ugh, goddamn bastard. I was going to die when I got back to my dorms, so I figured I may as well have some more fun before my life ended. He handed us back homework from last week, and he gave me a D on mine!

"Ryder, this was absolutely god awful." Snape didn't even look at me when he threw it on my desk. I was completely insulted. That was at least an A paper, if not an EE! I put a solid six hours into that blasted essay, and I even included a page of references to prove I had actually done the work instead of make it up. It was four feet long!

Mother always said to kill your enemies with love, so I smiled really brightly, grabbed Snape's collar and held him there.

"Thanks Snapie!" I tweaked his nose as hard as I could and make a honking soundd. "Choo-choo!"

Snape went bonkers, and it was lovely to see. He shoved me away, and began cursing. "FIFTY POINTS *******, BLASTED IMBECILIC ******, DETENTION FOR TWO WEEKS YOU SNIVELLING ****, MOVE YOUR ARSE TO THE HEADMASTER'S YOU *****!"

It was fantastic, because he nearly picked me up

"Sherbet Fizz." Snape growled, and the gargoyle let us by. Snape shoved me onto the stairs and glared at me. "Do not attempt to escape. I will find out." And then he stalked away, the robes billowing as usual...

What a pooey-head.

So I made my way to the familiar office of Dumbledore. I sat myself down next to Fawkes, who hooted at me knowingly.

"Snape's an old git." I said to the phoenix.

Fawkes cooed in agreement, and bobbed his head. He waved his wing at me, fanning my face with a delightful breeze.

"Thanks Fawkes." I grinned. I was quite refreshed by Fawkes' wing, and relaxed. I believe I dozed off, because I was slightly disoriented when Dumbledore finally acknowledged my existence.

"Miss Ryder?" Dumbledore stuck his head out, and smiled. "Come in."

After smashing my head into Fawkes' cage, stepping on the hem of my robes and tripping headlong into a portrait of some old man who cursed colorfully when I finally got enough brain cells working to remove my bum from his face...I managed to stumble, red-faced and grumbling, to my beloved Headmaster's office. I plopped down onto the soft leather chair, and waited for the lecture.

Surprisingly, it didn't come. "Lollipop?" Dumbledore offered me one with a 'CHERRY' engraved on the stick.

"Thanks." I stuck it into my mouth, and then frowned. "This didn't contain any sort of truth potion, did it?"

"No. My candy is quite safe, I'm sure." Dumbledore beamed, a bit like a hyperactive child does before he blows up the garage. "After all, if there were truth potions in my candy, everyone would know of my chocolate sock fetish. That wouldn't be very nice, would it?"

I choked on the lolly. "Headmaster!" I squeaked, coughing and rubbing my chest. Ew...Dumbledore had a chocolate sock fetish? He had chocolate socks? What's wrong with the world?

"Sorry." Dumbledore grinned and winked. "Couldn't resist. I thought you might appreciate that."

"Sure." I blinked, not sure what to say. I was still on the chocolate socks. Does he eat them? Do they melt? Are they good? Do they smell?

"Professor Snape informed me of your behavior in his class over the past few weeks, and he was quite agitated about today in particular. Anything to say in your defense?"

"Sure Headmaster. I think Snape's an incredibly stuck-up git who needs to be smacked from people like myself."

That's not what I said. But that's what I meant when I said "Er...no."

"Excellent!" Dumbledore clapped his hands together.

Strange old man. I got out of there very quickly.

I was late for DADA, but I had a pass, so I got to caress Lupin's hand as I handed it to him. He blushed a little, and moved away very quickly. I was very disappointed.

I stared at him throughout the class, admiring the view of my shabby, nerdy little professor. Lupin likes to move around a lot to get the class into it, so I got a view from every angle I could imagine.

Blasted Lorena kept poking me to get me to answer her note. She wanted to know what had happened with Dumbledore. I kept poking her back to shut her up, and tried to telepathically tell her what happened. When someone finally asked a loud question to distract Lupin, I popped in the mouth.

"Miss Ryder?" Lupin made me jump. "I don't have your homework. Do you have it for me?"

I got an idea, and I went with it. I smiled at Lupin in a way that I hope was sexy, and said, "Well, Professor, I had a question…."

Lupin doesn't know me well enough yet to know when I'm up to something. He came over, not suspecting a thing. i really did have a question, and I asked him, and he explained it oh so sweetly to me. He's so nice and helpful that I almost feel bad for molesting him, but not bad enough. I grabbed him around his collar and snogged for England.

Here's the strange part: Lupin didn't react. I mean, no response at all. He didn't push me away, nor did he respond. I think maybe he was just in shock. I enjoyed it, and then blasted Snape came barging in.

"RYDER!" Snape roared, throwing the books he was carrying to the floor. "FIFTY POINTS! What's wrong with you?" He came up and pried my face away from Lupin's, and dragged me away by the neck. I then had to listen to a loud lecture on my delinquency, my idiocy, and the terrible punishment I was going to endure for assaulting a teacher.

I only listened enough to follow through with appropriate "Yes, sir" and head nods. I was hardly worried. Lupin hadn't pushed me away and I was absolutely ecstatic. He tasted like chocolate.

I got another Filch detention and three more with Snape. I managed to beg two of the three Filch detentions to go with Lupin to 'apologize'. Snape really is an idiot, because he allowed it.

So, I'd lost over a hundred points in less than three hours, and then I lost fifty-five more because each time Snape passed me in the hall, he'd take off five or ten for anything he could think of. Like, when I was on my way to the lavatory, he took off ten for my 'irritating look of distress'.

Fred and George compensated with candy, and said they had lots of ideas for revenge. I get to pick what I want to do. I shall be avenged for my ruined snog with Loopy Lupin.

**October 7**

Saturday! Finally!

I had to scrub a part of the dungeons with a toothbrush. Filch had me at it from nine until two in the morning. Then I had to go this morning to Snape at eight and he made me do it again until noon. I had to literally run in order to get to Hogsmeade with the group, and I am bloody exhausted. I relieved my sorrows with lots of sex books and candy.

I wonder if I should be a bit nicer to Snape, since he let me out early so I could go to Hogsmeade. I just had to come back that evening. He also said it would count as two detentions, so yay! But I'm not that grateful.

I knocked on his door to a tune, very high-spirited from all the bloody sugar I'd consumed, and apparently that didn't amuse him. Snape was very grumpy. He needs to get laid.

"Blast you Ryder, knock it off!"

I knocked some more to humor him, and he pushed me to the floor.

"Oh professor! I likes it rough!"

"Scrub with your toothbrush and do not stop until I say so! One word and I'll make the day one detention instead of two!"

"Yes, sir."

It's a disgusting floor in Snape's classroom. Potion junk is absolutely everywhere, and it smells dreadful when you get close. I was really ready to fake a seizure to get out of it, but then I'd have to go back to the dungeons. I hate Snape.

He's so ddangerously yummy.

I decided to start a conversation. I like it when Snape goes on tangents. Now and then he actually is very interesting to listen to.

"So, Prof. How are those hemorrhoidsd?"

Snape snorted. "You are not amusing."

"Aren't you going to miss me when I'm gone? It's our last year together!"

"Don't be ridiculous." Snape shuffled his papers.

"I can't wait to be eighteen. Then I can go drink and be merry legally! It's going to be fun! I'll invtie you if you'd like."

"Eighteen? Ah, yes, then you'll be able to legally molest your professors, mm?"

I stopped scrubbing to stare at him, and yes, Snape was definitely smirking. He was playing with me! Yay!

"So, about the other day…do you and Lupin have some sort of bond? Because it was terribly rude of you to interrupt my horn session."

"Absolutely not. Lupin was in shock, and I helped him out. The last thing we need is a lawsuit. You could've gotten him in serious truble."

"No I can't. Seventeen's legal in our world, remember?"

"I was assisting a colleague."

"I'll fight you for more."

"Five points. Shut up."

"You do like him!" I waved my toothbrush and spattered the walls. "We could have an Izzy sandwich!"

"Ten points."

"Ugh. You are such a cockblocker."

"Ten points for obscene language. Scrub or I'll make you put that brush in your mouth."

"You didn't answer me though. Won't you miss me?"

"I count the days until I am free of you."

"Awww…you think about me?"

"Twenty points. I'll make it fifty with one more word."

I shut up. I hadd gotten what I wanted anyways. I began to daydream about what a threesome with Lupin and Snape would be like, and it seemed to make the next hour fly by. Snape left for the loo, with instructions for me to behave or I'd get another detention.

I have very little self-control. I ran to his desk, switched all his drawers around, and replaced his quills with the sugar ones I had in my pocket. I also quick wrote down the answers for Monday's quiz. I cleaned up a bit of floor with my wand, and Snape diddn't notice a thing when he came back.

After another hour, I had a cramp in my wrist. I whimpered.

"Ryder!" Snape snapped, scaring the crap out of me. "If you don't stop with your idiotic babbling, I swear I'll..."

"Rape me?" I chirped brightly, trying not to look too hopeful.

"Twenty points!" He yelled it, and I was surprised enough that I slipped on the floor and went on my face. No rapie from Snapie? Well, I could try with Lupin.

"Ouch." I righted myself, and scrubbed very slowly. I noticed Snape's eyes on me. "Um…what?"

"Ryder."

"Yes, sir?"

"What the bloody hell is that?" He pointed to the ground.

A rubber package was on the floor. Damn and blast my rule of always being prepared! I didn't react, fearing that would set him off, so I lifted it up and pretended to be puzzled.

"Well, I think this is a condom Prof."

"I see that." He hissed. "Where the hell did it come from?"

"I dunno, sir. Did you drop it?" I got up and dropped it onto his desk. Then I shook my finger at him. "Really Professor, you know men can't procreate and we don't get AIDS. You don't need a rubber."

"Twenty points." He snarled. "And I know this belongs to you. I would also like to remind you that sexual activities are prohibited on this campus. You're still a student. Ten more points for your sarcasm."

I scowled at him. "You're so mean."

"Shut up. I'm sick of you."

"Okey-dokey."

**October 9**

We've decided that I am going to refer to Snape by any name except his own. I'll try it with Lupin too. It's the tamest choice I had.

I had Lupin first.

"Miss Ryder, where can fairies be located during mating season?"

I sighed, and stared out the window.

"Miss Ryder..."

I jumped, and pretended to look surprised. "Oh! Sorry Buzz, drifted off there. What was the question, sir?"

Lupin sighed. Why hadn't the Buzz affected him? Boo! "Where are fairies found during mating season?"

"Um..." Crap. "Switzerland?"

"Sweden." Lupin sighed again. "Come now, Miss Ryder, I know you can do better than that. Five points. All right...Mr. Weasley, let's have an easy one. Where can Godric Gryffindor's sword be found?"

Percy had no idea. Go figure. I rolled my eyes. Lupin turned to look at me. "Miss Ryder? Sword?"

"I don't know about Godric, but I'll sheath yours anytime, Professor." I put a sarcastic note on the 'Professor.'

Lorena burst into hysterical giggles and buried her face in her robes to hide it. So did just about anyone else who didn't moan in anticipation of points being taken off.

Lupin raised an eyebrow. "Stay after class."

"And will I be taken into thy savage embrace, and my robes thrown from my quivering body?" This was said with batting eyelashes and a loopy grin.

"Five points. After class." Ooo, only five? I'll take that as a compliment!

Fortunately, the bell rang not too long after this, and I felt a rude pinch on my bum from Lorena. She would be waiting by the door. Lovely. I'd have a witness to assure anyone concerned that Lupin came onto me, rather than the other way around.

I sat in my desk until the room had cleared, and then made my way up front.

"Professor?"

Lupin turned, and looked me straight in the eyes. Wow. His eyes are so hot...and big...I likie rapie Remmie...

"Miss Ryder, are you feeling alright?" He was completely serious. It was unbelievable.

Shouldn't he know me by now? I blame Snape. He must've told Lupin that I'm batshit bonkers.

"Absolutely marvelous, now that I'm alone with you." I said, smiling.

Lupin groaned and sat down in his chair. "Ryder. Come now..."

"Absolutely." I grinned and batted my eyes at him. His eyes got a little bigger.

Poor Lupin. He looked absolutely baffled. "I cannot understand this behavior. I really can't. Who put you up to this?"

"No one." It wasn't a total lie. I mean, I wasn't forced to do this. "I just really like you."

"Indeed?" Lupin looked at me skeptically. "Seriously Miss Ryder, who put you up to this?"

"Up to what? Admitting to the quivers in my stomach as you pass? To the melting of my loins when you speak my name?" I placed my hands on the desk and leaned forward, dangerously close to his face. "It's not something I can lie about."

Lupin met my eyes, with disbelief written all over his face. "Miss Ryder...I'm your Professor."

"So?"

"This isn't...appropriate."

"It's my last year. I'm over the legal age of consent."

"No. Just no."

"Why not?" I frowned. "You're not a bum-bandit, are you?"

Lupin sighed and leaned back from me, moving his chair farther than necessary. "No."

"Then what's the problem?"

"Miss Ryder. Don't be ridiculous. You know perfectly well that teachers and students cannot have even a hint of romantic relationships. It's illegal, and don't even claim that the Headmaster would back you up, because he will not. It's unprofessional on my part and disturbing on yours."

Hm…had he been thinking about this?

"Duh." I rolled my eyes. "I am, after all, a disturbing individual lover. One of a kind, my beloved."

"No." Lupin was firm, being more of a disciplinarian than I'd seen in awhile. Most of the time he was a bit of a pushover, on my part at least. After all, didn't I always get away with harassing him?

"Aw…tell me you don't enjoy it Prof; you snogged me back." I grinned.

Lupin turned red. "I was in a state of shock."

"See? You do like me."

"Go away."

I shrugged, deciding I'd had enough for one day. "Bye bye then." I got up and leaped to the door, making sure to come down hard on the floor with each foot. Lupin winced visibly with every bang.

Before I left his office, I turned and gave him a brilliant smile. "You're very cute, you know that? I'll dream about you as I pleasure myself tonight.

Then I left.

AN: Okay…am I going to have to up the rating? Nah. It's T, and if you can find me a 13 year old kid who doesn't know what's going on…well, Mom shouldn't let em online, hmm? Yay! Review!


	5. Chapter 5

**October 12**

I am beyond tired.

I went to the twins' room last night, and we proceeded to sing drinking songs at the top of our lungs. The other boys went away, except for Lee. He provided us with plenty of butterbeer, which can be quite...er...invigorating when taken in large portions.

McGonagall found out this morning and all four of us were pulled out of school to get detentions. It was terrific- she had us in the library, and we had to dust every last one of the books in the Restricted section...but we couldn't read them, sneak peeks, etc...it was puire torture.

Of course, even Profs need to pee once in a blue moon (when was the last time you saw your teacher take a pee? Think about it...) and off she went. After debating the possibility of McGonagall having a vagina, we went back to cleaning...and I pulled out my notes. We went nuts.

I've learned how to make a person's genitals disappear (they come back in an hour...until then, one resembles a sort of doll, all smooth. There were pictures.). I have learned that a Horcrux can be used to revive an almost-dead person without totally possessing them...I have learned that Salazar Slytherin and Godric Gryffindor had a _relationship_, before Slytherin went psycho and tried to start his own school. I've also learned that Aurelius Malfoy, three hundred years ago, liked animals. I mean he liked animals.Oh yes. You know what I mean.

No wonder this place is restricted. Do you have any idea what sort of hummanah would be caused if all that got out?

I feel nice, knowing I'm the only one who's privy to this sort of information.

But McGallstones came back pretty quickly, and took another ten points off us each for peeking. Fortunately, she didn't find our notes. I think I'll try that genital thing on her at dinner tonight.

Eventually, we got let out, with one class period left over for all of us. I refused to sneak over to Hogsmeade, and went to DADA. After all, I must prove my loyalty, mustn't I?

Lupin turned bright red the minute I walked in with my note, which he didn't even bother looking at. "Nice to have you join us, Miss Ryder." He mumbled, throwing McGonagall's note into the bin.

I slid into a seat by Percival. "Hullo Perce." I grinned at him. "Did I miss much?"

Percy sighed and scratched his nose. "My goodness Ryder, you will be the janitor if you keep up these ridiculous acts. Fortunately for you, I've taken notes. You may look at them." He slid me a bunch of Potions junk, which I had no interest in.

"I was more thinking about...answers." I batted my eyes at him. "Oui?"

"No." Percy took his notes back, frowing at me. "That is a terrible habit to get into. I will not have you influence my brothers more with my Potions answers. " He huffed and stuffed everything back into his bag.

I gave up, and then concentrated on Lupin's bum. It was extremely hard to see anything with those huge robes. Why do we have to wear robes? Who's bloody idea was that? What's wrong with Muggle clothes? I want to see Loopy's bum!

My luck, he turned around just as I waggling my tongue at the hidden lumps under his robes. I rolled my eyes back into my head and mimicked a seizure. Lupin refused to acknowledge me, and so I stopped for awhile.

I guess he did notice though, because he asked me to stay behind after class...again. This caused a lot of snickers and whispers from my lovely classmates, as the story of my snog with Lupin had gotten all over the school by now.

"Miss Ryder."

"Yeeesssss...?"

He sighed and sat down heavily in his desk. "The Ministry has heard of your little actions of the other day, and have called Dumbledore to inquire."

I chuckled. The Ministry? What, Cornelius Fudge? I'll snog him too, that should scare him off... "Yes, Professor, I was aware of that. But they already know of my reputation for being a complete loon. And Prof. Snape informed them of my punishment, as did the Headmaster. They'll be fine."

"The fact of the matter is that they did inquire."

I sighed and leaned forward from my seat in front of him, resting my arms on his desk. "Professor, darling, my love for you is completely justified by your marvelous personality, your penetrating eyes, not to mention your hypnotizing teaching. But it's also perfectly legal, because I am legal. I'm seventeen, remember? They can't arrest you, or me for that matter."

Then, I got the absolute shocker of my life when Lupin didn't respond. He thought about what I said.

He was thinking about what I said...he was thinking. About me!YES! I knew it! He likes me! Or maybe he just likes the attention...but I don't care. As long as I get to grope Lupin, I am perfectly okay with all of this.

I did not interrupt his train of thought. He actually was considering this. I was expecting him to roll his eyes and give me more detention, but no..he didn't! Yes! I tried sending him psychic messages like "Isabella is sexy", "You want to hug me", "Can I eat your socks?", etc.

Too bad for me, Lupin lost his thinking face not that long after. He leaned even farther back into his chair and stared at the ceiling. "Ryder, I may as well admit it, seeing as you're not a stupid girl. The idea is tempting, as your points are all correct."

"Yes! You see, I knew you'd see the truth!" I cried, triumphant. "Bring out the rum!"

Lupin wasn't even fazed. He met my eyes, with a very solemn expression. It made me sit down. "Ryder, the fact of the matter is, you are still my student. I am your professor. This is simply not appropriate. I do not know why you've become obsessed with my bum (I laughed here) or why you persist in your attempts. But I must end this here. Find someone your own age to get involved with. Though I'm flattered, I'm simply not the sort of man you'd want to be with. Trust me."

So, as I heard my heart breaking (actually more like a teeny bump), I decided to play my other card. "Remus, does this have anything to do with your...illness?"

He sat straight up. "Ryder! What in bloody hell are you talking about! Ten points! Go home!" He quickly ushered me out, and slammed the door.

I stood there for a second, wondering exactly what had just happened, until it hit me that my suspicions were correct. Now I have to go do research...I think Lupin's a werewolf.

No one knows that except me, I think, but I won't tell.

So I went waltzing (though in a sad, limping sort of way) back to the Tower, and collapsed into my bed. I was way too tired to bother with anyone.

It has been a very looong day.

AN: I am sooo sorry it took me so long, and I am sorry the chapter is so short. I have been grounded and out of town. I'm leaving for texas for a week on thursday, but I'll try to get a chapter done to post up here when i'm gone. and by the way, if you like this fic and want more, check out my other story, 'My Name is Black'. that one's a little controversial, but it's the same style. i'm trying to advertise it, as i only have...ooo...two reviews? yeah, i'm sad. read and review! love you all!


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